Alien investigators: Earth is ‘ripe’ for invasion

SAN FRANCISCO – A group of astronomers, academics and engineers who defied their governments by working together secretly for years announced Tuesday they have conclusive evidence that an alien invasion of Earth is imminent and that drastic steps need to be taken immediately to save the home planet of human beings.

Members of a clandestine group of alien investigators — who call themselves Serious Observers of UFOs and Rare Classifiable Entities – said that crashed extraterrestrial probes discovered around the world since the 1940s have led them to determine that an alien race has been monitoring methane levels in the atmosphere for decades and that further increases of the greenhouse gas may serve as a ‘trigger’ — when the planet becomes habitable to the aliens and prompts their takeover.

“Earth is ripe for attack by a menace of which we know very little, and yet we do know we’re to blame for the health of our planet and the threat this knowledge now poses to our existence,” said Rigite Éclair, spokeswoman for SOURCE and the only member of the group authorized to identify herself and speak publicly. “Pound for pound, methane has 29 times more potential to warm the planet than carbon dioxide, and yet the amount of this greenhouse gas pumped into the atmosphere has increased more than 150 percent since the beginning of the Industrial Revolution 250 years ago, and it continues to do so to the detriment of all of us.

Major Jesse Marcel is believed to have helped clear the wreckage of an alleged alien ship that crashed landed in Roswell, New Mexico, in 1947. Here, Marcel displays the remnants of a weather balloon he claimed was found at a press conference following the incident.

Major Jesse Marcel is believed to have helped clear the wreckage of an alleged alien ship that crashed landed in Roswell, New Mexico, in 1947. Here, Marcel displays the remnants of a weather balloon he claimed was found during a press conference following the incident.

“While we don’t know exactly how much methane is necessary to trigger the alien invasion, we do know governments have been in denial about the planet’s future and the unprecedented effort that is needed to combat climate change and the dangers associated with it.”

In conjunction with its announcement, SOURCE proposed a solution that its members think may spare the human race from destruction.

“The time has come to correct the damage we have inflicted on ourselves and our planet,” said Éclair. “Governments must begin to allocate huge sums of money toward the defense of our world. Military spending will have to double, even triple for some countries, if we wish to persevere as a species.

“Think of it this way, for every dollar spent on a tank to wage war against fellow Homo Sapiens, that’s one less dollar being spent on a space armada to protect Earth from its real enemy. Our priorities must change if we wish to triumph over our galactic nemesis.”

SOURCE’s message contradicts one presented last week by Jeremy Su, a self-described time-traveling physicist from 2084 who made headlines after he claimed human beings could look forward to an uneventful future for decades to come.

Su — who vanished following a press conference and whose supporters believe returned to the time period from which he came — could not be reached for comment.

Although military spending in the United States already accounts for nearly 56 percent of the nation’s annual discretionary budget, news that Americans need to invest even more for their defense was met with caution by the Pentagon, which issued this statement in the hopes of quelling public alarm:

“While we can neither confirm nor deny the existence of extraterrestrial life, let alone such lifeforms that pose a threat to Americans, of course every measure should be taken to protect our borders from any aliens that might seek to undermine our national sovereignty … and no, this is not an endorsement for Donald Trump.”

For more than one hundred years, the notion of sentient beings existing elsewhere in the cosmos and endangering life on planet Earth has inspired books, radio broadcasts and movies in popular culture, including the novel War of the Worlds published in 1897 and continuing with this summer’s release of the film Independence Day 2.

The Super Dimension Fortress One (SDF-1), envisioned in Robotech, flying in cruiser mode.

The Super Dimension Fortress One (SDF-1), envisioned in Robotech, flying in cruiser mode.

However, cultural commentators noted that few tales concerning war with alien races have captured popular imagination more than Robotech, a science fiction franchise that began with an 85-episode anime TV series released in 1985.

In the series, scientific discoveries made from a crashed alien ship help Earthlings develop robotic technology, such as transformable mecha, to fight three successive extraterrestrial invasions.

The SDF-1 transformed into a fear-inspiring mecha.

The SDF-1 transformed into a fear-inspiring mecha.

The same discoveries are currently underway as humans explore the wreckage of alien probes, according to Éclair, although governments are secretly competing to gain an advantage over each other with such breakthroughs, when they should be working together to spare the planet and the people who occupy it, she said.

“There is still one way we might be able to save ourselves without gearing up for intergalactic warfare,” said Éclair. “We could simply work harder to get our greenhouse gases in check.”

Amanda Shelly

June 7, 2016

 

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