INLAND EMPIRE — A suburban software engineer who claimed to have clocked in more than 1,500 virtual meetings since the shelter-in-place order began in March, provided evidence to the public during a live-streamed presentation on Friday that he believed showed the COVID-19 pandemic is a cover-up for extraterrestrials attempting to occupy Earth.
“THEY are here,” said David Norte, 39, a development specialist for Rocket & Gamble, a corporate conglomerate known for its subsidiaries in military manufacturing and the entertainment industry.
Norte’s YouTube broadcast appeared to be hosted in a dimly lit laundry room. His 45-minute presentation included passionate ramblings and a screencast displayed from his desktop computer that summarized for viewers ‘months of research’ that ‘clearly’ proved his theory that a hostile alien takeover of the planet has been underway since spring.
“THEY want us glued to our LCD displays all of the time in this all-too-convenient, work-from-home environment,” said Norte, who then proceeded to light a joint during his one-man show. “THEY always want us nodding our heads on Zoom calls … or wasting our time on Facebook … or watching every TV show and movie ever made. THEY do this to keep us distracted from the larger reality lurking outside our front door.”
That reality, according to Norte, is the assimilation of Earth by ‘partially disguised humanoid creatures’ he claimed to witness during trips he took to the grocery store or on neighborhood walks.
After inhaling a puff from his marijuana cigarette, Norte explained to his webcam that these human ‘knock-offs’ started to populate public spaces during May’s reopening of the economy.
“Now, THEY are everywhere,” said Norte, coughing smoke into his mic. “As COVID-19 cases surge, I fear this new race will soon replace Homo sapiens as the dominant species on Earth.”
As Norte continued to share the content on his computer screen, he opened a video clip which he claimed revealed his most damning evidence to date of an alien cover-up.
Norte scrolled through the clip, which showed a conversation he had with a female colleague about a new microchip Rocket & Gamble was planning to produce on behalf of the government and insert into vials of a possible COVID-19 vaccine.
Then, Norte pressed pause and explained to viewers that as he finished that fateful Zoom conference call with his boss, she transformed briefly — but noticeably — into a three-eyed monster.
“You see that?” said Norte, pointing at the frozen image on his desktop as he took another drag of reefer. “When I first saw this hideous triclops appear on my screen, it was the close of business on the Friday going into Fourth of July weekend, and my first thought was that it must have been a glitch. Luckily, I record all of my Zoom meetings, so I downloaded this clip onto my desktop, and between calls from my boss, I take hits form my spliff and contemplate what it all means. Now, a month later, I’m finally ready to come forward and share my shocking discovery. No otherworldly trickster is going to get the best of me!”
At that moment during the broadcast, Norte’s visual feed cut to black, and the sound of frantic keyboarding could be heard over the transmission.
“What the hell?” said Norte, his voice cracking. “THEY must have gotten into my network!”
The audio cut in and out as Norte’s last words were relayed over YouTube.
“At first, when the pandemic started, THEY used to pretend THEY were caring human beings and traipsed around town in masks, but now THEY seem to be over it and don’t even bother with basic social distancing guidelines, or common decency,” said Norte. “THEY just want the world for themselves.”
Norte could be heard in the background inhaling the last of his joint and breathing its smoke onto his mic.
“Now THEY act like everything is hunky-dory even as the virus keeps spreading and killing the old and sickening the infirm and fucking up the economy,” said Norte. “Next thing you know, THEY will try to tamper with the election, too, and then we’ll really be screwed. THEY will have us — really have us – and none of us will be free again.”
Norte’s broadcast ended.
The next morning, this reporter followed a news tip about the incident provided by one of Norte’s viewers.
I knocked on the front door of Norte’s listed townhouse several times, but no one answered.
As I returned to my car, I passed a neighbor walking his dog.
“What are you, a contact tracer?” said the man. “Norte never has visitors.”
“No,” said I, barely able to respond. “Just a curious friend.”
I stepped into my car and drove away.
I swear, the man had three eyes.
Sarah Newhall, Saturday, Aug. 8, 2020
Categories: Environment & Health